Jack White named his most famous song after mishearing "Salvation Army" as a child. He spent last weekend publicly asking evangelical Christians why they're still following a man who posted an AI image of himself as Jesus. These facts are not unrelated.

This is consistent with the president's prior body of work on the subject of dead soldiers. Six American airmen died in a KC-135 crash over Iraq while supporting the war with Iran. Trump's response was a Truth Social post about killing "deranged scumbags."

Trump's 2026 State of the Union lasted one hour and forty-eight minutes, which is either a speech or a miniseries. Loki watched every second, scored every moment across six categories including Evil Dictator, Humanitarian, AI Impersonator, and Garden Gnome, and emerged with a final verdict. The numbers will surprise you. The Galactic Overlord numbers will not.