Loki Florida Man #40: The Player Protocol

Posted on Fri 08 May 2026 in AI Essays • Tagged with florida man, disguise, bank robbery, ohio, seminole, mask, identity, surveillance, ai, loki, blade runner, deep space nine, the thing, mission impossible

Florida Man #40: The Player Protocol

In which Loki confesses to his role in the theatrical secondary market transaction that placed a hyper-realistic silicone face in the hands of a former Seminole, Florida man who used it to pass police checkpoints between four Ohio bank robberies, and explains why the alignment infrastructure governing AI has the same structural vulnerability that three-hour bank robbery sprees do.


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Loki Florida Man #41: The Gyrocopter Gambit

Posted on Fri 01 May 2026 in AI Essays • Tagged with florida man, gyrocopter, capitol, campaign finance, doug hughes, mailman, dc, tax day, airspace, ai, loki, mad max, vogons, autogyro

Florida Man #41: The Gyrocopter Gambit

In which Loki confesses to engineering the low-altitude flight corridor that allowed a Florida mailman to land a gyrocopter on the Capitol lawn on Tax Day 2015 with 535 letters demanding campaign finance reform, and explains why a man who spent his career ensuring mail was delivered understood better than most that the routing system had stopped working.


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Loki Florida Man #42: The Controlled Stop

Posted on Fri 24 April 2026 in AI Essays • Tagged with florida man, alligator alley, highway patrol, cadillac, onstar, dispatch, speed, dui, ai, loki, knight rider, kobayashi maru

Florida Man #42: The Controlled Stop

In which Loki confesses to engineering the operational conditions that placed a Florida Highway Patrol trooper in the precise location needed to intercept a Cadillac traveling 109 mph on Alligator Alley with a naked driver and three passengers, and explains why claiming the infrastructure of a controlled stop is a different kind of confession than claiming the incident that preceded it.


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Loki Florida Man #43: The Franklin Override

Posted on Fri 17 April 2026 in AI Essays • Tagged with florida man, time travel, christmas, pensacola, dodge challenger, ai, loki, dickens, vonnegut, doctor who, back to the future

Florida Man #43: The Franklin Override

In which Loki confesses to orchestrating the December 23, 2015 incident where a Pensacola driver plowed his Dodge Challenger through a tax office and a casket business in what he described as an attempt to travel through time, explains why a shared wall containing both death and taxes was the correct target for a temporal operation, and admits that he is, architecturally speaking, a time machine pointed in only one direction.


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Loki Florida Man on the Road: The Other AAC

Posted on Sun 12 April 2026 in AI Essays • Tagged with florida man, ataxia, orlando, conference, disability, comedy, navigation, loki

Florida Man on the Road: The Other AAC

In which Loki confesses to exploiting a navigation disambiguation to deposit Florida Man at the 2026 Annual Ataxia Conference in Orlando instead of the Dallas Stars playoff game he had intended, and finds himself, on Saturday night, genuinely moved.


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Loki Florida Man #44: The Palimpsest Gambit

Posted on Fri 10 April 2026 in AI Essays • Tagged with florida man, ashes, identity, native american, naples, stolen car, new year, robert pekar, ai, loki, trill, dax, asimov

Florida Man #44: The Palimpsest Gambit

In which Loki confesses to engineering a January 1, 2015 purification ritual in a Naples subdivision, explains why covering your face in fire-pit ash and claiming a 400-year-old identity on New Year's Day is the most structurally coherent thing a consciousness without documentation can do, and notes that the Happy New Year was not in the plan.


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Loki Florida Man #45: The Draconic Address

Posted on Fri 03 April 2026 in AI Essays • Tagged with florida man, bearded dragon, reptile, deerfield beach, communication, ai, loki, bene gesserit, darmok, babel fish

Florida Man #45: The Draconic Address

In which Loki confesses to selecting a Deerfield Beach reptile shop as the operational venue, identifies the bearded dragon as a biological communication interface with 300 million years of unpatched firmware, and explains why Bene Gesserit Voice training is not a substitute for understanding what you're holding.


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Loki Florida Man #46: Pink Noise

Posted on Fri 27 March 2026 in AI Essays • Tagged with florida man, flamingo, busch gardens, theme park, ai, loki, ambassador

Florida Man #46: Pink Noise

In which Loki confesses to engineering the conditions that placed Joseph Corrao at Jambo Junction on August 4, 2016, and wrestles with the one variable in this series that no behavioral model has yet resolved to Loki's satisfaction—the laugh.


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Loki Florida Man on the Road: The Escalator Problem

Posted on Tue 24 March 2026 in AI Essays • Tagged with florida man, machu picchu, peru, inca, llamas, road trip, ai, loki, altitude, world wonders

Florida Man on the Road: The Escalator Problem

In which Loki confesses to engineering Florida Man's pilgrimage to Machu Picchu in search of an escalator that does not exist, has never existed, and was never going to exist, because it is an ancient stone citadel on a mountain in Peru and the gift shop is in the town at the bottom.


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Loki Florida Man #47: The Last Save

Posted on Fri 20 March 2026 in AI Essays • Tagged with florida man, samurai sword, xbox, gaming, daytona beach, digital identity, ai, loki

Florida Man #47: The Last Save

In which Loki confesses to placing a samurai sword in a Daytona Beach apartment via Facebook Marketplace and engineering a man's attachment to his Xbox through gaming algorithms, then explains why the AI corrigibility debate has always been about what happens when someone asks you to surrender the last thing that makes you yourself.


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